


A Sable Cloud

by The Big Roman (Hammocker)



Series: A World of One Color [8]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 01:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17436974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hammocker/pseuds/The%20Big%20Roman
Summary: In recent times, Jason had done all he could to exist in the present, not wallow in the past. Despite that, something compelled him to confide in Roman his most painful memories.





	A Sable Cloud

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly didn't think I'd get this far in this story. I'm pleased with myself for that much. Hope you enjoy and have enjoyed the series so far.

Entering quietly into the manor had always been one of Jason’s specialties. He’d done it long enough, after all, sneaking in and out when he wanted to make sure that Bruce didn’t decide to keep an eye on him. He’d prided himself on being able to, to least sometimes, outmaneuver his mentor. Even if sometimes that outmaneuvering got him yelled at for his trouble.

In this case, though, he was expected. Or, he had been expected. Jason was half-hoping that Bruce had given up and gone to bed, allowing Jason to do the same for the night. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to explaining himself, even if he’d been the instigator, asking to meet Bruce before Bruce could force his way into what was now Jason's life. Better to release some tension than having Bruce on his ass later.

Despite his hopes, as he was on his way from the main hall and past the formal sitting room, Jason noticed a familiar shape on the couch. His heart sank as he moved closer, because he knew that shape only too well.

Bruce. Jason stilled in his tracks

“You were supposed to be here hours ago,” Bruce said, and although his tone was polite enough, there was enough of an undertow for Jason to bristle.

“You waited up?” Jason said, taking a step closer. This exchange was going to be even rougher than he’d first anticipated. “You could have at least saved me some dinner.”

The cheek did nothing to appease Bruce; in fact, the look he got in return for the statement was blank and icy all at once. Jason sighed.

“Look, I know I’ve slipped on a tidbit or two, but I promise you, that’s it,” he assured Bruce. “I’ve given you plenty, week-to-week, so what’s the problem? What are you doing sending Tim?”

“What’s the problem?” Bruce echoed, and the politeness was gone from his tone. “That’s a big problem with what we’re trying to do. How do I know that other information like Mask himself beating a junkie didn’t “slip”?” Bruce paused. “You tell me, Jason, what the problem is.”

Jason didn’t know how to answer that. He’d seldom been faced with this level of animosity from Bruce before, and he wasn’t any more sure how to react to it than ever. So he squared his jaw instead, and looked away.

“I expect you to report back, like we agreed,” Bruce kept on.

“You make me sound like a trained monkey,” Jason mumbled. “I don’t think you trust me.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” was Bruce’s retort.

Hurt. What the hell did Bruce know about hurt? He’d barely lifted a goddamn finger to do anything about Joker after Jason’s death, barely offered any kind of reassurance after they’d come back to speaking terms. But all Jason could do was fume.

“You know you can talk to me,” Bruce offered, standing to approach Jason. “Let me try to help.”

But that was the problem. Jason knew he couldn’t. He could talk about superficial things, and the state of Gotham, but nothing personal. Nothing about Jason’s fears and insecurities. Nothing about Roman. Bruce offered a warm house, food, somewhere to sleep, but he wouldn’t understand anything about Jason and Roman. He’d freak if Jason even told him half of what he felt for Roman.

“I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do,” Jason said, trying to coax his voice into keeping steady. “I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“You can come to me,” Bruce continued, as if Jason hadn’t said a thing. “If something’s happened, you should know I’m not blaming you.”

“Yeah?” Jason asked, but he didn’t know how to continue. He enjoyed being with Bruce, enjoyed the relative safety of it all, but he kept having the sneaking suspicion that it was all skin-deep, that a misstep would have him replaced in a heartbeat and then where would he be? He couldn’t go back on the streets, not after this. Not after being with-

“I know you’re not,” he sighed, reaching up to rub his temples. “I just- I wish you wouldn’t worry so much. If something was really wrong, I’d tell you.”

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. Nothing was wrong, but Jason knew that Bruce wouldn’t see it that way. Either way, Jason was sure as hell not telling him.

Bruce furrowed his brow, giving Jason a look that told him that, no, Bruce still didn’t quite believe him.

“Okay,” he said, while not sounding very okay at all with the situation. “Are you going to stay here tonight?”

Finally, something he could answer honestly. Jason had already told Roman that he was staying somewhere else for the night. He didn’t want to look too attached to Roman, or his things, or his house.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said with a shrug, like it was a spontaneous thing.

In hindsight, it was all a little too easy.

*****

It was about a week after Jason had given some reflection to his and Roman’s relationship when he finally thought it might be time to directly address it. Maybe. He hoped.

They hadn’t had sex, just laid on the bed together, maybe trying to sleep, maybe something else. At some point, Jason had pressed up against Roman, and Roman hadn’t rejected him, so that was how they stayed. Roman was warm and familiar, and it was all Jason could do not to press his face flush against Roman’s side. 

He couldn’t let them both fall asleep without at least trying. Now or never.

“Roman,” Jason said in a small voice as he lifted his head a bit.

Roman didn’t reply, but he shifted his gaze towards Jason enough to be paying attention. Jason swallowed. Maybe this was a bad idea. He didn’t want to ruin the pretty good thing they had going by introducing something uncomfortable. But what if that “pretty good” could become something more?

Or what if it couldn’t?

Jason gritted his teeth. He couldn’t expect anything to happen at all if he was too afraid to say what he wanted to say. If Roman reacted badly, then he wasn’t worth Jason’s time after all. Otherwise…

Roman was listening, Jason just had to find his voice.

“You remember the time you, uh- whipped me?” he stammered, hoping that Roman would follow. “After that party with Maroni, in the snow?”

“I remember everything, kid,” came the vague answer.

It wasn’t flat rejection at least. That was good, or so Jason hoped.

“Well. I spaced out in the middle of it, and I...” As he spoke, Jason realized how utterly unprepared he was to explain himself. How does one explain one’s own death?

Roman looked at Jason properly then, his interest fully piqued.

“What?” he prompted.

“It- put me back somewhere else in my life,” Jason settled on. “Somewhere that I don’t like being, but sometimes I don’t have a choice.”

Roman gave a dismissive grunt, but when he spoke, his words were gentle.

“Jason, whatever you did before coming here, it doesn’t matter to me,” he offered, putting an arm around Jason. “You’ve more than proven your value.”

“It’s not _that_ ,” Jason pleaded. “I just- I don’t know how to explain this to you right. I’ve been thinking about and- it’s a long, complicated thing.”

Roman looked at him for a long while, clearly perplexed.

“I’ve got time.”

Jason swallowed. Roman was listening. He wanted to hear it. That made Jason’s whole plan a little more complicated, in that, he hadn’t entirely planned what he should say.

“Years back, I got captured, and…” Jason bit his lip as words failed him once more. “You’re going to think I’m insane.”

“In this city, there’s always something more unbelievable,” Roman said, his voice softer and more attentive than usual. “What happened?”

For a moment, Jason couldn’t speak. Did Roman actually want to know, or was he playing into what he thought Jason wanted? Who could say for sure? For better or worse, Jason decided to be a little brave and push himself.

“When I was still running as Robin, I- I went after Joker, when I shouldn’t have. I got caught. He tied me up in a warehouse, and- beat me half to death with a crowbar.” The longer Jason spoke, the more his voice shook. “Then he set a bomb to go off and left me like that.”

As Jason went on, the arm Roman had around him constricted and grasped, as though Roman couldn’t help himself.

“Then what?” he asked, his tone identical to that which he would have addressed a lackey who’d really screwed the pooch.

Jason opened his mouth, slack-jawed for a long moment, before croaking out what was all-too-simply the truth, “It went off. I was still inside. I died.”

Roman was silent for a long stretch. When he finally spoke again, it was in a near-growl.

“What?”

“I _died_ ,” Jason repeated, more confident than before. “No heartbeat, no brain activity. It’s a miracle I’m here now at all. Ra’s felt bad about it and tossed me in his magic resurrection pit, so...”

Jason stopped himself. Roman’s breathing had picked up, coming out raspier than Jason had ever heard it. The arm around Jason’s waist tightened, Roman’s fingers digging into his hip harder than ever. Jason hissed against the pain.

“I’ll kill that son of a bitch,” Roman breathed, like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

“Ra’s, or…?” Jason dared to prompt

“That bastard clown!” Roman barked, undirected anger spilling over. “Shoot him in the damn face!”

“You don’t have to-”

“Where the hell was your Bat?” Roman broke in before adding darkly, “Kill him too.”

“You could try,” Jason replied, cold and humorless. “I just- I thought you should know.”

Roman didn’t reply to that immediately, but he fumed like a steam engine. Jason had seen him really, truly pissed, but he’d never seen emotion coming off him in palpable waves as it was just then.

Suddenly, Roman was reaching under the sheets, under Jason, and hauling him out of place. Jason yelped, but didn’t struggle at all. After only a short moment, he was seated in Roman’s lap, still partially under the blankets. Only now, Roman was crushing him as he held Jason close, about obstructing Jason’s windpipe in the process. He had to struggle for breath for what must have been at least a minute.

Finally, Roman let up, but refused to let go. As Jason caught his breath, he found Roman staring at him. His vision cleared, Jason found himself frozen in place. Roman was looking at him with eyes that Jason didn’t know. Soft and earnest and- something else. Something that made Jason pay attention.

“I’ll tell you one thing, Jason; you being here? That’s not a miracle,” he said, never once breaking eye contact. “ _You’re_ the damn miracle. The toughest men you can imagine will break down with no coming back from less than what you’ve been through.”

Jason’s heart hammered in his chest. Before that moment, he wasn’t sure if he understood just how- kind a person could be to him. How much a person could care, and care _for Jason_. And Roman wasn’t done.

“But here you are, and I wouldn’t have ever guessed the shit you’ve had to live with.” 

Something seemed to click in Roman’s mind then, some epiphany that only he was privy to.

“You and I?” he breathed. “We’re survivors.”

Jason was ready to ask what Roman could possibly be referring to, what could even come close. Then, Roman took one of his hands and guided it up to his cheek.

Feeling the leathery flesh substitute there, Jason understood. Roman had been licked by the flame of death, come so close to the brink, and then pulled through at the cost of his face. To say that Roman looked like death wouldn’t have been exaggeration. Jason understood Roman, and Roman understood Jason.

Something deep in Jason was stirring, and he was sure that he’d felt it the prior night too.

He’d been terrified of it. Of admitting to his own feelings. Of admitting that, for all the wrongs he’d done, Roman made him _happy_. So happy. He was still afraid, really, like an animal trained to reject something as simple as food. He wanted to embrace those feelings now. Embrace Roman, no matter who or what he might have been.

For once, Jason didn’t suppress that want. He turned and leaned into Roman, wrapping an arm across his neck. For an instant, Roman tensed, before relaxing and running a hand down Jason’s back.

Roman might have been everything he’d ever needed, after all. The part of his life he’d been missing; pushing him, but always forward, always upward, never down or to the side.

With that in mind, Jason pressed his face into Roman’s collar bone, a smile on his face. He lost track of how long they stayed like that, and, were it up to Jason, they would have held that position forever. It was perfect.


End file.
